Memoirs of the Fallen

Remember me.
When the sky is on fire, moments before the sun sets on the ocean.
When your knees feel weak, trembling in the face of a hurricane.
When mayhem prevails but your eyes see beauty, despite and beyond.
When your mind is incapable of substantiating your own thoughts.
When logic and rationality are present, yet all fails to make sense to you.
When the thrill flushing inside your veins is too much but never enough.
When the more you run back to a memory, the quicker it fades out.
When you’re touched by a person that loves you, but all it ever does is remind you of your scars.
When you’re worn out, yet still desperately grasping for something to fight for.
When you look up and try to reason your helplessness with God
When your lungs still feel empty no matter how hard you breathe in.
When the word ‘almost’ does more damage to you than anything else.
When you call someone else by my name and feel bitterness down your throat.
When you seem to dance with your demons better than your angels.

And tell them.
Tell them I’m the woman that could handle a pen and a paper, but not a heart.
Tell them I bled words for my lovers, leaving nothing but holes in their souls.
Tell them my fire burned too strong, burning myself and all around me down.
Tell them I’m the maddest sane person you’ve ever met.
Tell them I’m defined by my restless heart and relentless mind.
Tell them I stare blankly into the eyes of fate as I fearlessly self-destruct.
Tell them I have a knife in my heart,
tell them I’m on the other end.
Tell them I’m the one who is forever in chase of her untamed imagination.
Tell them I live in days that never happened, in places I’ve never been.
Tell them I’m strong if strength meant surviving the loss of a lover that was once the best part of yourself.
Tell them I numb the pain by huffing a cigarette and dancing the night away.
Tell them I’m often a living, walking paradox inside the flesh of a pretty girl.
Tell them I’m the rebel in shackles,
the neutralized riot.

You’ll remember me when you feel hollow.
And you’ll tell them I drained us out.

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