Oeuvere

The Show

It’s a show and you’re behind the curtain. You’re the lead character of this show. You’re deluded into thinking you have a say in your script and the freedom to improvise. My dear, you do not. Free-will is just an illusion. This show is not yours. It’s only yours because you’re under the spotlight.
Dearly beloved, you still haven’t met the director, but you’ve felt His control over you. However, you’ve met His right-hand, fate. I’m sure you’re familiar with fate, probably by how way-ward it is and by how helpless it makes you feel. So, is fate to blame? Is it the force that makes your feet move towards a certain direction or is it the path itself? Is it the light at the end of the tunnel or the blur keeping you from seeing it?
My dear, fear not, as your audience is most familiar to you. Front seats are reserved for your dearest of all, your mistake and sins. The middle seats however are a less beloved audience to your heart. They’re what you see when you look in the mirror, what’s beyond your eyes but lurking beneath your skin. Your insecurities and fears. The tears that run down your cheeks ,crying over the boy you love and your crooked smile after seeing him. Finally, it’s a chaos in the backseats. Your angels and demons just won’t get along. They are causing that noise in your head, that distracting devastation.
Hold on my beloved, the curtain will open now. The spotlight’s are on you. You start speaking, moving, walking and even running. Be careful, be mindful, wake up. These aren’t your words, those aren’t your actions. Don’t look up, you have no strings attached to you, you’re a puppet of different kind. Don’t try to fight His will, don’t try to employ what’s His, all will turn against you. You’re not in His flow; He is the flow. You may stop the show every now and then to silence your demons, they are what’s bothering you much. But dear, don’t be so harsh. They consider themselves your children.
Are you tired? Hold on, it’s going to be alright. Give in to His flow. It’ll make you feel less helpless. It’ll give you a false sense of control. It’s as close as you get to the real thing anyway. Give in, give in, give in, your show is not over yet. You’ll know when it is.
You’ll hear the silence, you’ll see nothing but darkness. You’ll feel numb. Yes my dear, you’d be back to the nothingness you came from. Apologies, your audience will not applaud you. You will not get your standing ovation. You won’t see the curtain closing. Your helplessness will finally end my dear.

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I mourn

For the numbing pain of drained minds,
weak knees,
absent sanity.
For the loss of souls, once sweet, violent and brave.
For all anchors in human form.
For feelings as pistols,
words as triggers,
actions as bullets.
For silence into screams,
screams into deaf ears,
rainbows to blind eyes.
For all destruction and disappointment in the name of love.
For the desperate search of reasons,
justifying anger,
hate,
impartiality.
For all effortless departures, with light feet of lighter weights.
For a reality, seen from a broken kaleidoscope,
lived in duality of reeking paradox.
For my gold into dust,
dust in the wind.

I mourn.

Risk and Return

Whether you were a business major or not, you’re probably familiar with the concept of risk and return. It’s a simple notion actually, ‘the higher the risk, the greater the return and vice versa.’ The reason why this particular subject is of matter to me is because this trade-off is something we all need to practice, much often than we do. Which brings us to the parlous subject of courage. Courage, is key. We need courage to achieve, to conquer, to acquire, to venture and sometimes, it comes to needing it to be fully alive.

Nothing is more horrendous than thinking ‘what would have happened if I did/said that?’  That’s exactly why courage is required to take the risk. To do what you’re afraid of doing. To say what you wanted to say. To delve into the precarious unknown. Little do we know, that word we hid inside, could have changed everything. That one thing we abstained from doing, could have been a game-changer. Now, is it worth that one moment of courage? YES.

Here I am, at 3am in the morning, telling you to take the risk. Dive blindly. Indulge passionately. And most importantly, liberate your mind from all constraints.

Late Night Musing

Artwork by Lucy Salgado

Artwork by Lucy Salgado

I wonder how his breath would feel on my neck, how his lips would feel on my collar bone. And then I wonder, what if heaven lies in his fingertips? What if he ran them through my hair and it would be something I cannot possibly recover from? What if his lips brushed against mine and numbed all my senses?

But I can’t even look into his eyes long enough to let him know how desperate I am for him to put my thoughts into rest.

Fiery

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I want to tell you how it feels like being with you. It feels like an eruption of love, lust and intellect. You provoke all my primal instincts and I’m madly in love with way you make my senses dance around you.

You linger on my skin..

Art work by Ali Özer

Art work by Ali Özer

I lay at night, staring at the naked sky, full of scintillating stars. Stars that reminded me of us… How every look from you illuminates my heart from within, how every touch screams out endearment.
Oh dear God why did you send him to me?  Whenever I’m with him, I think of nothing else but him, my mind goes entirely void. Everything else is a blur except him, his face and his body. The way he looks at me, that very exact moment his eyes meet mine, I feel like I’m at the pinnacle of my femininity.  He looks at me as if I’m Eve herself.  An immense look of confidence, confident he is that my heart is retained by him, that he is the home of my psyche.

I crave for nothing more than your presence right now, for your essence, for your whispers of intimacy..

Love; a misconception

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Artwork by Olga Marciano

So often we find ourselves trying to convince each other that love is the strongest force of all.  That the existence of love, itself, would overpower anything else, On the contrary, the truth is, love is by far, the most fragile insubstantial force of life. The actuality of love itself is not impregnable. It acquires every attribute of strength from the two people it is shared between. It is merely the word that most people use to interpret the resilience of the two combined;
their willingness to withstand anything side by side, relentlessly;
their ability to be each other’s ground to hold, shoulder to lean on;
being each other’s clarity when all things blur; Each other’s home, personified;
their persistence to contain each other’s darkness and reflect each other’s light;
their determination to draw and carve their own path by themselves;
And simply being each other’s truth in a world of lies.

A Senseless Power

Artwork by Winston Chmielinski

Artwork by Winston Chmielinski

I think of you when people talk about love. When they describe how pain and beauty collide; when they wonder how something, so mad, be so clear. I think of  how you made a thousand suns burn inside me and shortly after, a thousand oceans drowning me in. And I’d end up thinking that I never had any say in what love did to me, and whether I liked it or not, the pain had to come along with something so powerful and overwhelming.