belonging

Past to present: A timeline

Friday. 06:14am, two weeks ago:

“I usually wake up before him. I gently unwrap his arms from around my waist and place a soft kiss on his cheek before I go shower. By the time I’m done, he’s standing outside, shirtless, with a cigarette flickering between his fingers. As much as I want him to quit this virulent habit, but I adore the sight of him exactly like that. That particular moment, when the graceful view of his body meets the sunrise, combined with the bitterness of the Coffee down my throat, makes me feel like if I died at that moment, I’d die at my happiest.
I head back to our room to get dressed, he follows me to lay back in bed because he can still spare a few more minutes in bed before taking a shower and getting ready for work. He loves watching me get dressed, he says that it’s his favourite part of the day. He says he loves how the shirt falls on my shoulders, the way my fingers move while I button it up from bottom to top, how the sight of my neck unravels his worries while I pull my hair up.
I hold his face and kiss him before I put my lipstick on. Frankly, I don’t why I always kiss him before putting my lipstick on. It’s as if I want to imprint his kiss on my bare lips and then safeguard it under my lipstick until I see him again. He hates it when I put make up on. It actually infuriates him sometimes. He believes it’s an act that delineates arrant violation of natural beauty. I always smile and listen thinking how much I love his mind and his smart mouth.
As soon as I’m done, he walks me to the car, still shirtless, still mine. He opens the door for me and places the warmest, most loving kiss on my forehead, “God, I love you,” he whispers with his eyes closed before his lips softly leave my forehead. I drive away thinking that I can’t wait for the day to end so I’d go back home to him.”

Today, 06:20am:

I like to think that time will handle our story. That maybe a time will come where I wake up without you haunting my every thought and move. I’ll have my regular cup of Coffee as I do every morning and stare outside from my window for a while, I will then dress up, put my make up on and leave the house tranquilly. I would go through my day doing everything half-heatedly with a smile incised on my face. I’ll pull off ‘normal’ for 24 hours. Who knows, maybe I’ll even fall asleep without any pills.